Growing up, I carried my “baby fat” into my teen years and struggled with losing weight, often being bullied for the way my body looked and inability to run as fast as my classmates in any sport. The bullying and the name calling shattered my self-esteem for years to come and prevented me from being my true self because I was afraid of being mocked for being “fat” in any conversation I had. The words left me feeling disgusting and looking for external validation to make myself feel better. The mockery became a larger part of my life than it should’ve ever been and took a toll on my academics, eventually leading me to a smaller circle of friends who supported me and accepted me for who I was. But the bullying carried on.
When I eventually found time for myself in the time period between high school and college, I decided to try working out and eating healthier meals than I usually did. I did make great progress over the course of a few months and working out became a part of my routine. My body experienced major changes and I noticed how I wasn’t treated the same way anymore. Receiving appreciation made me temporarily happy but losing more and more weight made me miserable and I realized I had to stop myself. Being at my lowest weight or receiving external validation was no longer my goal. I realized I was the happiest when I ate what I want, exercised, and took care of myself. And being able to love myself despite what other people thought of me or expected from me was, and is the best feeling ever.
I’m no longer at my lowest weight and do not aspire to be but I am where I am the happiest and I am surrounded by people who support me. Loving yourself can be a challenge when people continue to push you down, but once you see how beautiful you are and how much self-love you deserve, you realize that validation doesn’t matter. It’s not you vs. your body, it’s you and your body. For all the young people out there who believe they need to change themselves to match up to someone’s expectations, please appreciate yourself and take care of yourself because your love for yourself will stand victorious against everything else.
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